Inglourious Basterds (In 60 Seconds or less)

I might as well say this now, since it’ll just come out anyway later on down the road:

I don’t like Quentin Tarantino.

I know he has quite the following, but I have never enjoyed his films.  The only one I was able to like was the second half of Pulp Fiction.  The rest is difficult for me to sit through.  Now, don’t get me wrong: I admire the stuff that he comes up with, and he’s got quite a few situations that are very intriguing.

The problem is his requirement for dialogue.

That’s what I can’t stand about him.  His characters talk.  And talk.  And talk.  And TALK.  But please do not take this as my saying that dialogue is a bad thing.  On the contrary, dialogue is a good thing… when it’s necessary.  Unfortunately, Tarantino makes films that have action, and aren’t entirely based on dialogue.  He can make really good plots and scenes anytime he wants, but he instead spends a good portion of his movies talking about things, whether it be the plot or stuff to set up some vague reference.  It just seems like a waste of movie when there are other folks that have mastered the right blend of action and dialogue.

So every time I see a Quentint Tarantino film, I have reservations.  This is because of the disappointing Death Proof, which made me realize just how bad too much dialogue and overall banality can be to a film.  Although, I suppose it doesn’t count since it was a Grindhouse-inspired feature, and they’re usually bad by default.  But regardless, I keep a wary eye in regards to anything Quentin Tarantino ever does.

By an interesting coincidence, this is about the same time that I re-discovered a fun little website that gives ultra-condensed and very humorous re-tellings of movies (and books).  And I figured that it was appropriate to try this method on a movie such as this.

So, with extra special sentiments and happy powers, I give you:

Ready?  Go!

– – –

Quentin Tarantino: “Finally!  After three long, perilous days, my fan-fic about how I would have won WWII is complete!  Now, how do I guarantee that it will reach the most amount of people without having to post it on some message board on the internet?

*1 year and $70 million later*

Quentin Tarantino: “Oh yeah.  Took me years to come up with this film.  Years.  That’s 365 days for each of those years, did ya know that?”

Me: “Too bad WWII’s been done to death.”

Academy Awards: “Think again!”

Brad Pitt: “I think this just might be my masterpiece.”

Christoph Waltz: “Think again!”

– The End –

– – –

And that’s Inglourious Basterds.

Now, this next part will be how I timed it from a reading perspective.  Like the game of golf, this time isn’t the fastest or the slowest, but the average time that someone might take in reading this.  If you make it above par, then by all means, share your personal best.

  • Par for the course: 33 seconds.

(For more sixty second summations like this, visit Movie-A-Minute)

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