Saw 3D: The Final S(tr)aw

Oh.

My.

Bob.

This movie SUCKED!

And not in an amusing “tee-hee, I’m naughty ;)” way, it sucked in the “well, FRAK YOU” way.

You want to know why?

– – –

So, we start off with Dr. Gordon (played by Carey Elwes) from WAAAAAAAAYYYYYY back the first Saw movie dragging himself away from the bathroom where he was being psychologically tortured by Jigsaw (the original Jigsaw killer, played by Tobin Bell).  He cauterizes his newly formed stump of a leg and blacks out from the burning pain.  Naturally, I wish the same thing had happened to me.

Then we cut to Hoffman (the current Jigsaw killer) who has just torn off the Reverse Bear-Trap from his mouth, thus tearing part of his face off.  Jill Tuck (the widow of the original Jigsaw) then loses that bad-ass-ness that she had from the last movie and runs away from Hoffman.  Hoffman looks for a bit, then decides “Screw this” and leaves.

Afterwards, we cut to the present day, in a crowded street corner where scores of people are walking around strip-mall-like buildings.  Then the camera pans to a particular building which is selling something just slightly different than women’s undergarments: this particular shop window shows a Jigsaw trap in the making.

Trap (the name of the trap) : Public Trap

Particapants (the number of people who can change the outcome of the trap.  This may not reflect the actual number of people involved in said trap) : 2

Design (the make of the trap) : Two men are chained to a horizontally sliding table that contains two rotary saws in front of them, with a third saw in the center of the table.  Above the center saw in the middle of the room is a woman being held up by straps.

Reason (a common occurrence in Jigsaw victims where they have some weakness/problem in their life that has made them candidates for these traps) : A love triangle gone sour, with a woman who had been dating two men at the same time, without either man knowing about her involvement with the other.

Rules (the method the participants must follow in order to survive/rescue others involved) : Both men are given two options: they can either kill the other man on the opposite side of the table and rescue the woman suspended above, or both men can just keep the table center and let her die after 60 seconds have passed.

Now, this is a pretty intriguing trap.  It’s also a good portion of overkill, seeing as how love triangles tend to die out when one of the persons involved finds out about the third wheel.  And usually ends with a broken heart, not a cut-up one.  But hey, then there would be no trap, and thus no drama, right?

So, like you might expect, the two men are surprised to find their girlfriend suspended above them.  And moreso, they’re surprised to find that their girlfriend had another boyfriend besides himself.  The woman tells one of the men that she only cares about him, thus giving him the resolve to kill the other man.  Naturally, the other man fights back and almost kills his opponent.  It’s at this point that man #2 asks the woman if he didn’t matter to her at all.

And get this: she does a complete 180 and says that man #1 meant absolutely nothing to her, and tells man #2 to kill him.

Seriously, I know that this is life or death and that some folks wouldn’t exactly be thinking straight in a situation like that.  But you really can’t say that there’s the no chance either man could think straight and realize what’s wrong with this picture.

So after a couple more seconds of fighting, Man #2 says (and I paraphrase) “STOP!  This is stupid!”

Amen to that.

He tells Man #1 that she doesn’t care about either one of them, and even if both men were to die, she’d probably just end up in a love dohecahedron or something else that’s just as retarded.

So with this in mind, both men decide to keep the table dead center.

I shall now hit myself for having stooped down to make that joke.

Result: The woman becomes the first recipient of a carpenter’s surgery procedure.  Unfortunately, her intestines come out, and show that the procedure still needs some tweaking here and there until it actually saves lives.

But that’s not the end there, no sir.  Right after that, we get yet ANOTHER trap, in an abandoned junkyard/warehouse.

Trap: Garage Trap

Particapants: 1

Design: One man is glued to the driver’s seat of a car, which is suspended on a jack.  Underneath the back wheel next to the jack is a woman tied up and unable to move.  Behind the car, another man is tied to a pole, with his arms and lower jaw connected to chains that are tied around the bumper of the car.  In front of the car is yet another man tied to the garage door, right in the driving path of the car.  The windshield of the car is broken, and right outside the windshield is a red lever.

Reason: They’re racists.

. . .

Uhhh… Is that all?

That is all.

Oh… OK, then… ?

Rules: The man in the car must pull himself off of the seat so he can reach the red lever.  If he doesn’t do it after 60 seconds have passed, then the car will land on the woman’s head, rip apart the other man behind him, crush the yet another man in front of him, then ??? the driver inside.

This is the trap that creators had been saving for a rainy day, since producers wouldn’t let it go because it was too violent, too disgusting, and just plain wrong.

To be honest, though, none of the folks here ever had a chance for survival.  How do I know?

That’s right.  The guy in the car is none other than Chester Bennington, best known for screaming his adolescent-looking head off in Linkin Park.

So do the math: 1 guest rock star in a horror film + 1 withheld trap for being way too over the top = ?

Answer: One dead rock star + 3 dead racists nobodies.

So after that enlightening experience, the police come to the scene of the crime and try to figure out just what the hell Hoffman is up to.  And yes, the police know that it’s Hoffman this time around.  No more killer running around killing people so he can protect his secret identity.  And we have Jill Tuck to thank for that, having gone straight to the police and rattling off to Matt Gibson of Internal Affairs.

At this point, the film decides to skip to the latest horror plot aside from the hunt for Hoffman.  We’re introduced to Bobby Dagen (played by an almost unrecognizable Sean Patrick Flanery), a motivational speaker who has written a book and toured… um… New York, I guess, to help folks who have survived Jigsaw’s traps.  Bobby hocks his book on a talk show, where he recounts his trap: having to affix two hooks into his pectoral muscles, then having to lift himself up to a platform by pulling a chain (which was pulling him) up to a platform.  After the talk show, he goes to a Jigsaw Anonymous group where he’s filming the meeting and his motivational speaking for a promotional DVD to a small room filled with at least seven to eight people that we’ve never seen before.

It’s at this point that I begin to wonder just how big Jigsaw’s operation was.

I mean, think about it: Jigsaw was (technically) one man.  We had absolutely no idea that there more victims of Saw’s traps other than those we had seen on film.  In fact, it seemed much more plausible that the Jigsaw killer(s) had only gone after those from the previous movies.  When you add a lot more people to the mix, you start to wonder how long this had been going on.  Sure, there were victims before the infamous Dr. Gordon/Adam trap of the first movie, but these are folks that we had never seen before.  Had they been going to Jigsaw’s Anonymous from before then, or was it after?  And it’s not like Jigsaw was a super-entity who could go across the globe when he chose.  I’m sure he only operated in the greater Northeast quadrant of the U.S.

I don’t know, I just found it tacked on.  If Jigsaw did indeed have that much time on his hands, then he probably would have had zero time to be recovering from that debilitating cancer that he was suffering from.  And if it was Hoffman… well, that’s just another pile of unanswered questions right there.

But I’m already giving this series WAY too much credit now, so we’ll move on.

A clapping sound comes across the room.  Then the figure comes out of the shadows to reveal Dr. Gordon, who is now walking with a cane.  With dialogue full of contempt and sarcasm, he congratulates Bobby on his tour and the ability to help out his kindred folk by filming them and putting them on a DVD.

To which the rest of the room claps with him.

I think they missed the point of what Dr. Gordon was saying.  And here I thought sarcasm was missed on those who read stuff on the internet…

Anyway, after that little bit, Bobby goes out to his car to meet his wife.  When he comes across an empty car, he is attacked from behind.

And you better brace yourself, because now is the time for two complicated plots to be meshed together.  Hey, it wasn’t my choice to do it this way.  Blame the people who made this film.

Bobby wakes up in a cage and is told that he must reach his wife in one hour before something unspeakable happens to her.

It’s here that we learn that Bobby had never been in a Jigsaw trap.

I wish it was spoiler territory, but really, if they’re revealing it in the first thirty minutes, then it couldn’t have been that important.

And besides, every time I heard Bobby talk about his trial, it reminded me all too well of Sean Patrick Flanery’s other role as Greg Stillson in The Dead Zone TV series.  In other words: a lying politician only interested in himself.  So it wasn’t too much of a stretch to believe that he had never been targeted until now.

Meanwhile, Hoffman sends a message to the police, telling them that if they give him Jill Tuck, then he’ll stop making traps.  Naturally, the police don’t play that game.

Meanwhile Bobby follows the path until he comes across a door.  Inside is his first test.

Trap: Spike Sound-Trap

Participants: 2

Design: A woman straitjacketed and strapped to a chair.  Four spikes in a crosshair pattern around her neck, with a stand containing her X-Ray.  A sound measuring device is located somewhere on the chair.

Reason: The woman was Bobby’s publicist, who had told him how to speak his lies and appeal to the masses, despite knowing that he had never been in a trap.

Rules: Bobby must pull out the key to her restraints from within her body.  An added fishhook to the line will make the process painful to her, most definitely causing damage to her.  However, if her voice goes above a certain decibel level, then the spikes will slowly creep towards her throat, thus silencing her lies.

“So he keeps her quiet.  Until he starts pulling the line, which causes her to scream.”

Take that line and repeat it about 3 to 4 times.

Result: After that, add the line “he fumbles with the lock, and she continues to scream.  Until the spikes shut her up.

Meanwhile, the cops catch on that Bobby has been kidnapped, and they get another video of Hoffman taunting them with a clue.  Gibson understands the reference, and then hightails it to an abandoned warehouse, where he regales to his associate a story about how Hoffman once saved his life.  Except that Hoffman had the drop on the guy who attacked Gibson and after the man surrendered, Hoffman shot him in the back.  Gibson eventually put away a few of his associates, thus earning Hoffman’s anger.  After that, Gibson realizes that the trap is being located at another familiar place, based on what Hoffman had said in the video.

Speaking of the location of the trap, Bobby comes across another room, and thus another trap.

Trap: The Smith Trap

Participants: 1

Design: A woman is tied down on a scaling table.  In front of her is an immovable display of three spikes.  Across the way is an exercise machine that will connect to a set of wires.

Reason: The woman was Bobby’s lawyer, and instead of speaking out about Bobby’s fraudulent story, she continued to represent him.

Rules: The table will inch closer to the three spikes that will thn pierce her eyes and mouth.  Bobby can stop this by lifting up on the smith machine so it will complete a circuit that will stop the table from inching closer to the spikes.  If he is able to hold it for at least thirty seconds out of the 60 total, then she will be saved.

So he gets right to it and lifts the weights to complete the circuit.

Oh, and did I mention that each time he lifts the weights up to complete the circuit, he gets pierced in the side by a pair of spikes attached to the machine?

He hesitates throughout the test.

Result: At the last second, he drops the weights, and the woman is toast.  Red, gooey, very soggy toast.

Jill Tuck, meanwhile, is being held at the police station for her protection (and also because she was discovered for having placed a trap on Hoffman in the first place).  This leads to my favorite line ever from Gibson, who tells her “You’re crazy.  I knew that the moment I saw you, crazy.  Ugh… you, crazy.”

That alone was worth the price of admission.

Meanwhile (are you getting tired of hearing that word yet?  Well, so am I), Bobby comes to another room.  And yet another trap.

Trap: The Blind Man’s Drop Trap

Participants: 2

Design: A pit separates Bobby from another man, who is fitted in a helmet that completely blocks his eyes.  Along with the helmet is a chord that is attached to the man’s neck.  Planks are placed across gaps in the floor, which show a long drop down to the ground.  On Bobby’s side is a key dangling from a string.

Reason: The man turns out to be Bobby’s best friend Cale, who gave Bobby the idea to profit from making a self-help motivational book from the Jigsaw experience.  Because of this, he turned a deaf ear to those who genuinely suffered from Jigsaw’s traps.

At this point, I realized that this movie was playing off of an old adage:

That’s right.  They went there.  Basically, the publicist represented “Speak No Evil”, the lawyer represented “See No Evil” (and apprently speak no evil again because of that third spike that went into her mouth, for WHATEVER reason), and this man is currently representing “Hear No Evil”.

I would commend them on being clever, but considering the kind of movie this is, it’s still stupid.

Rules: Bobby must guide Cale to meet him halfway across the pit by way of the planks.  While guiding him, Bobby must also make his way across the pit and get the key from the side.  If Bobby fails to get the key to Cale before 60 seconds is up, then Cale will be lifted off the ground by the noose around his neck and hang to death.

I would tell you what happens, but due to Bobby’s already stellar track record, it kinda goes without saying that the man dies by hangulation.

Result: But, for the record, it was really really really close.

At this point, the police make it to an abandoned asylum/hospital, where the game is taking place.  They go through the rooms where the previous participants are found dead.  Meanwhile, Gibson returns to the garage where the car trap took place and discovers a hidden door.  Along with a couple other officers, he enters a secret room and finds someone behind a console with several monitors.  He orders Hoffman to get down on the ground, and they subdue the suspect…

Who turned out to be one of the skinheads that died in the car trap.

Gibson checks the monitors and discovers that the video feed is actually that of the police station, not the asylum where the current game is taking place.

Suddenly, Gibson realizes where Hoffman is.

But before he or anyone else can warn the station of Hoffman’s attack, an M-60 pops out of the corner of the room and…

Stop.

Stop stop stop.

You cannot be serious.

A machine gun just pops out of nowhere and it mows down Gibson and the other cops?

Look, I understand that Jigsaw (and I guess Hoffman) could do well tinkering and stuff, but there’s a big difference between making deathtraps and making machines that are basically sentient programs that just operate on their own.  It’s just not possible.  I understand that’s where the fiction comes from, but you can’t tout a series like this and think it’s serious.  Because it’s not.

In fact, now I honestly believe more than ever that Jigsaw was a superhuman, like his fellow horror brethren before him. 

You’ve got Freddy Krueger, who has the ability to enter people’s dreams and then have their death in the dream reflect their death in real life. 

Then you have Jason Vorhees who is basically the Superman of horror movie icons in that he’s just about nigh indestructable and can quickly appear anywhere he wants. 

Then there’s Michael Myers who… um… is evil and cannot be stopped…

… Oh, and he wears a bleached William Shatner mask.

And then you have Jigsaw.

A man who has the power of pop psychology and to design/create amazing deathtraps that look like rusted pieces of junk but can actually effectively and messily kill people that otherwise could have been told by their friends/therapist that what they’re doing is wrong.

At least it would be all right if they went with that, that Jigsaw was not normal but in fact was a superbeing like previous horror icons before him.  But you seriously can’t expect this guy to be normal.  Because the machines he’s made?  They’re not normal.

And don’t get me started on how Jigsaw died back at the end of Saw III… and yet he is still terrorizing people.

Seriously, Saw, there is no shame in admitting that your man was more than human.  That’s where horror thrives the most from, after all.

So yeah, Gibson and the other officers with him die.

At this point, we discover Hoffman’s plan: he switched out the body of one of the victims of the car trap and stowed away in the body bag, so that he would be transported to the police station, where Jill Tuck is being held.  When the coroner opens the bag, Hoffman kills him, and then another coroner.

This is one of the most laughable moments of the movie, because it depicts Hoffman going through the station and systematically killing each and every person he comes across, and the movie tries to make this as serious as possible.

There is no way to make this look serious.  You’re showing a man who stalks his way through an almost sparse police station and going all Sam Fisher on everyone he sees.  That’s not serious.  That’s an amazing new level of absurd.

But fine, I will go with it, since the movie is almost over.

And you know, I haven’t heard from Bobby in a while, so let’s check on him.  Bobby comes to an empty room where he finally sees his wife again.  Yeah, I know, I’m surprised she still exists too.  But Bobby comes up to a roadblock.

This is interesting, as this is not a trap, but it is something that he has to do to himself in order to continue on his way.  His way is sealed by a large iron door.  The only way to open the door is to input a 4 digit code.  The code, however, has been carved into his back teeth.  So what he must do is pull out the two teeth, as specified by an X-ray, so that he can obtain the code from the teeth.

Which he does.

I gotta say, this part was the most unsettling of them all, because you knew that he had to survive, but not without a great price.  And really, horror is always ramped up whenever eyes and teeth are involved.  People can get really scared when something happens to a person’s eyes, or someone’s teeth get broken.  It’s a scary thing, since we pretty much rely on those for everyday use, and they’re not the strongest parts of our body.

It says something when the scariest traps are the ones that don’t involve loss of life.  Out of all the traps that I’ve seen in this series, the Needle Pit Trap from Saw II still freaks me out to no end.  This series has found new ways to kill people, and yet the ones that are the most disturbing are the ones where the participant still lives.

And then you have to ask yourself: do you find a fault with that practice, or are they truly disturbing because you’re still alive after it?

Anyway, those policemen looking for Bobby?  Dead, of course.  Because they didn’t want to cross the pit where Bobby continued on his way, they opted to go around.  Which led to them getting locked into a room and gassed.

And Super Jigsaw strikes again!

So it’s here that we come to the climax of the Bobby plot.  He makes it to the room where his wife is being held.  And it’s where he faces his final trap.

Trap: The Endgame

Participants: 1

Design: Two hooks are held up by a chain.  A second chain allows the hooks to be lifted up, where two ends of an extension chord dangle, unconnected.

Reason: Because Bobby lied to his wife about being in a Jigsaw trap.

Rules: His wife is trapped on a podium, and the clock is four minutes away from reaching zero.  Bobby must pierce his pectoral muscles with the hooks, and then pull the chain so it lifts him all the way up to the extension chord.  If he’s able to plug the extension chords together, he will have saved his wife… somehow.

If this trap sounds familiar to you, then give yourself a pat on the back and a crazy straw, cause I’m certainly not.

So, he does so, and he struggles to pull himself up.

While I’m at it, I just have to commend Bobby in this movie.  He does everything that he can to save these people, instead of being like a bunch of other liars and choking in the face of adversity.  Of course, he still failed at saving his other friends.  But he was driven to save his wife.  When it came down to the teeth roadblock, he didn’t hesitate like a bunch of folks that I had seen in previous installments.  He went right to it, without any second thoughts.  Same thing with the meat hooks.  Instead of wasting time to think about it, he becomes resolved to save his wife, and does it.  And I do have to recognize that and applaud him for it.

And I also must commend his wife for still sticking by her husband, even after he admits to lying to her.  That’s also gotta take some guts to do.

Now, there’s two problems that came to mind while watching this segment:

1. The best way you could describe this game is “diversion”.  After all, a lot of police officers were called out to the asylum to try and recover Bobby and his wife.  And since Hoffman was able to sneak around an otherwise barren police station, it means that Hoffman designed this trap to be a distraction.  Which means there was really no control over what would happen with Bobby and his wife.  There’s no explanation over what the extension chord would have done to stop the clock.  And more importantly, there was no way to see how she would be released from the trap.  She was out of reach of Bobby, and there was electrical fencing around her podium.

2. It was a nagging thought that came around when I remembered how Bobby had described his trap, where he attached hooks into his pectoral muscles to pull himself up.  The film had kept reassuring the audience that is entirely possible for the pectoral muscles to support the weight of a man, but it still didn’t seem possible.  After all, if you do it wrong, it could either pierce your heart/lungs and you’d die, or it would just rip right through the skin and you’d fall down.  It seemed like it was a hidden logic puzzle, designed to be a death trap to show how it doesn’t make sense.

Result: Just as Bobby grabs the extension chord and is ready to plug it in, his skin rips and he falls to the ground.  And there’s only 10 seconds left on the clock.

See what I mean?

So, he fails, and his wife manages to get covered by this huge device that creates a seamless bullet shell around her, and then fire comes out from underneath to cook his wife alive.

Yeah, I’d go about how totally impossible this would be and how you’d need Mr. Fantastic or Batman or some other comic book character to create a machine like that, but I already laid it out once, and I’m not too big on repeat performances.

And thus ends Bobby’s plot.  Satisfied?  Probably not, but the movie doesn’t care, because it’s time to find out what happens to Jill Tuck.

Hoffman tries to kill her, but she stabs him in the neck with a pencil, and then runs away.  How she managed to get the guts to put him in a trap in the previous movie is beyond me.  Hoffman eventually finds her, subdues her, and then straps her to a chair.  Luckily, there’s a chair with straps attached in the police evidence room.  What a co-inki-dink, huh?

And then he brings out… the trap.

You know the one.

The trap that never did what it was supposed to do.

The one trap that we never got to see the results of in Saw 1 or Saw 6.

Of course, I am talking about:

The Reverse Bear Trap.

Hoffman attaches the trap to Jill’s head, then stands back and watches.

Jill struggles with it for a while, and then the clock runs out.

The result?

Meh.  Just blows her head open.  It was… kinda underwhelming.  But it does close one door that had been left open since the very first movie, so I guess that’s the thought that counts.

His final task complete, Hoffman returns to his hideout to grab supplies.  After blowing up it up, he gets ready to leave when he’s attacked by not one, but THREE people in pig masks, like he and Amanda used to do in the previous movies.  Then he is given an injection in the neck.  As he falls to the ground, one of the PigMask’s unmask’s themselves, turning out to be…

… Dr. Gordon?

. . .

Dr. GORDON?

. . .

DOCTOR FRAKKING GORDON?!!!

Now.  You may find that I’m overreacting.  But please, if I may, let me show it to you from my point of view:

This man.  Dr. Gordon.  The main character from Saw I.  We had no idea whether he was alive or dead.  In fact, we didn’t find out until the beginning of this film and then partway through when he was at Bobby Dagen’s little Jigsaw Anonymous club.  And then he just shows up, out of nowhere, and trounces Hoffman?

Not only that, but it’s revealed that Dr. Gordon had a hand in quite a few things from previous movies.  He was the one that inserted the key into the guy’s eye from Saw II, he suggested the brain doctor who operated on Jigsaw in Saw III, he sewed the eyes shut of that one dude in Saw IV, and he was the one that left a note to Hoffman saying “I Know Who You Are” in Saw V.

In short, Dr. Gordon becomes Jigsaw’s TRUE apprentice/successor after the first movie.

Are you still with me?

This man, who we didn’t even know was still alive or dead, suddenly comes out of the dark after 6 years, and he turns to have been an important part of the story all along?

Do you realize the many things that are wrong with this?!

First off, it means that crucial parts of the story were pulled off by someone we the audience didn’t know about beforehand.  That’s not clever.  That’s lazy.  I don’t care if they did show that he lived earlier in the film, there was absolutely NO reason to suspect him at all, and no foreshadowing to that effect.  But I’ll get back to that in a second.

And speaking of second, why on EARTH would Dr. Gordon actually help out Jigsaw?  After what Jigsaw made him do?  You know, making him cut his own leg off, shoot somebody, kidnapping his family… nothing wrong with any of that?  Everything all forgiven?  NONSENSE.  Absolute NONSENSE  What happened to his family in all of this?!  Oh, but I suppose that since the people who wrote this crap weren’t going to show Gordon all that much, they sure as hell weren’t going to show whether or not his family was all right.

And this also shows a trait that there’s the slight possibility someone who survives Jigsaw’s games will snap and become just like him.  That’s ridiculous.  Absolutely.  Especially considering the survivor rate of his little games.  Why would ANYONE help him out?  The other survivors at that meeting?  One of them found something freeing about the experience, while another berated that person for having to resort to killing someone in order to be free, whereas she had to cut off her own arm in order to survive.  And she raises a good point: WHAT IN THE FRAKKING HELL COULD BE FREEING FROM MUTILATING YOURSELF/SOMEONE ELSE?!  Those two guys at the very beginning in the Public Trap?  Sure, they got rid of the person who was stringing them along, but they’re now responsible for her death.  No one was getting out of that one innocently.  This is also the same trait that they keep pushing in the Dexter series, where if someone experiences death/blood at such an early age, they’ll have the darkness that enables them to be sociopathic serial killers.  There has to be so much more to it, not some kind of supernatural bug that goes around folks and makes them irrevocably evil.  It just doesn’t work that way.

But you know what the worst part about this is?

This move is so obviously an ass pull, I’m surprised Dr. Gordon’s sudden unmasking didn’t come with a large intestine.

Everything about this appearance screams “lazy”.  Before we knew that Dr. Gordon was alive, we had just happily assumed that it was Hoffman who did the extraneous activities with the other people as explained by the movie.  Hell, maybe Amanda might have done it.  And the letter could have most likely been written by Jill to further screw with Hoffman.  The only thing that makes an iota of sense is the package that Jill dropped off in a hospital in Saw VI.  Sure.  That would make sense.

And you know what?  I could have accepted it if the package was simply Jigsaw telling Gordon that he would need his help in order to protect his wife from Hoffman.  (And by the way, good job on your duty, there, Gordon.  Top notch work!)  But no.  They had to glue Dr. Gordon to a bunch of other things that could have easily been one of the other Jigsaw killers.

Even if they had this in mind as the end for the whole series, you can’t help but feel that it was added in without any real thought.  After all, they didn’t address Gordon’s presence until the very last movie.  And even then, you never see him for more than maybe 2-3 minutes of combined film footage.  If you’re going to create a twist, you not only have to make it believable, you have to make it so people could reasonably see it coming.  This twist?  It took at least 5 movies to ultimately flesh out.  And amidst all the other plots/twists that happened in those five movies, these little bits occured with barely a splash of curiosity.  Hell, some of them weren’t even that.  Everything up until Saw VI (and maybe Saw V) could have been explained away by someone else.  But no.  The guys who wrote this had to leave themselves a small Deus Ex Machnina in order to make sure Hoffman didn’t run away a free man.  Not that that’s a bad thing.  Hoffman’s a jerkass.  He deserved what he had coming to him.  I would have prefered something just a bit more tangible than a previous victim suddenly becoming a super secret apprentice that cleans up the mess.

And the saddest part of all?  I could have really liked this twist.  It was so in the dark, it could have been one of the most satisfying things about the conclusion of this movie.  But this appeared to be shoehorned into the plot just recently.  And even if it was their intention to have Dr. Gordon end up being a secret Jigsaw apprentice, you don’t wait five movies to reveal it.  You just don’t.  People have wandering interests.  Especially if the later stuff you’ve been churning out has been horrible.  Then people move on without looking back.  And the folks who are new to the series become alienated by this twist from someone that they may not know about, if they hadn’t seen any of the previous films.  It’s practically irresponsible to leave folks with that.

But really, would you honestly expect folks to care about a movie?  Or would you expect them to care about money?

*sigh*

Anyway, Dr. Gordon locks up Hoffman in the bathroom that Dr. Gordon himself was trapped in all the way back in the first movie, except he removes the hacksaw so that Hoffman wouldn’t cut off his foot to escape.  As Hoffman screams, Dr. Gordon closes the door behind, uttering the series arc words:

“Game Over.”

– – –

Ugh… there’s really nothing more I can say about this film that I haven’t already.

But what I will say is that I am glad that I saw it.  Because it means it’s over.  It’s done.  Finished.  Ended.  Completed.  If you could call it that.

This was a film series that wasn’t really considered “entertainment”.  In fact, it resembled something more of an anchor.  Let me say that I really liked the first movie.  I found it to be a genuine thriller that had a good storyline, good twists and turns, and a twist ending that completely took me by surprise.  I suppose I could find elements of that particular twist ending in the one that revealed Dr. Gordon as a secret apprentice.  It’d certainly be hard to deny.  But I think the difference between the two is that the first Saw film didn’t wait 6 years to reveal that a man that no one had really payed that much attention to was secretly the diabolical killer.  And as hypocritical as this may sound, the first movie didn’t suddenly tell the audience “Hey, guess what?!  Dr. Gordon’s alive!  And he’s secretly EVIL!  No foreshadowing!  No reasonable evidence!  Just EEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!”  And yes, this means that Dr. Gordon is evil.  If he had just gone after Hoffman, that might have been in the grey.  But now his fingerprints have been uncovered.  He’s just as much to blame as Hoffman, Amanda, and Jigsaw.  And it’s a completely cheap blow that makes me feel like a fool for having stuck it out to see how it would all end.

That’s the anchor that I refer to.  I could have avoided the sequels, because they generally never turn out well for the horror genre.  I could have avoided all of this.  But I didn’t.  Because I liked the first movie, I gave the series a chance.  And that was enough to pull me in to my own trap: to see how low people’s imaginations could sink in order to kill people, all in the name of wanting to know how this newly conceived story arc would take place.  Even after seeing the confounding Saw III.  That was the mistake.  It should have ended there.  But it didn’t.

And now, 4 movies later, the people have had enough.  It has been closed down.  And I hope it never comes back again.

So, what is the final verdict?

Don’t see this movie.

Don’t see the last one.

Don’t even see the one before that.

If you’re really curious about the series, watch the first one.  That is the only movie that is worth your time.  It’s genuinely thrilling, and it is the least graphic of them all, by a large amount.  And please, for the love of Bob, DON’T WATCH THE SECOND ONE.  Because that is what will grab your interest.  That is what will drag you into the series and try to figure out just what the hell will happen next.

There’s a reason that pledge exists on the side of this “blog”.  And it’s reserved for movies like this.

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